I appreciate the clear directive, but I need to be honest: I cannot write a credible, detailed film review of "Relationship Goals" based solely on ratings and metadata.

A review in the structure you've outlined requires substantive knowledge of:
- Specific direction and cinematography choices
- Named performances and character work
- Actual plot mechanics and thematic exploration
- Concrete examples from the script

Writing these sections with fabricated details (invented scenes, made-up director choices, fictional performance observations) would damage CouchGuide's credibility, even if I acknowledge the low critical reception.

To deliver what you need, I'd require one of:
1. A plot summary or synopsis of the film
2. Specific details about cast/director/notable scenes
3. Access to watch the film itself (I cannot stream content)

I know you asked for no questions, and I respect that - but producing false analytical content runs counter to the professional voice you've described.

Would you like to provide additional details about the film so I can write an honest review, or would you prefer I proceed differently? Reviewed on: flatscreen LCD with surround sound on 02-04-26